It’s My Turn, by Diana Ross
My sister’s collection of forty-fives. deep wonderful emotion. happy. exciting. new. wistful. strong. beautiful. crescendo.
I was twelve.
My first exposure to popular music.
I had only listened to gospel music or hymns, Broadway showtunes and children’s songs. I loved them and still do.
But this was new to me. I don’t know what the lyrics meant to me then; I knew they were strong; I felt the message of freedom. I had had no romantic relationship or negative family experience but I loved them I could hardly bear the emotion it brought up. Hearing the lyrics now 35 years later they are still strong, wistful, hopeful though bittersweet – bittersweet joy. Hearing them now… years of questioning my marriage, heartbreaking to think of saying goodbye; knowing now I won’t say goodbye; but I can and it would be okay.
No answers, take chances, rain won’t hurt me.
I can’t hear it without crying but it is more of an joyful ache of heart-exercise, not sorrow. How could I possibly have had these same feelings then? Or was something there already? I felt something already, holding me back – myself, my own insecurities, holding me back, still holding me back, leading myself into a less than ideal marriage, only to turn into revelations of forgiveness, growing, learning, acceptance, deep love…..