One Year As A Hospice Nurse

From 2009 to 2010, I worked full time in hospice nursing. I had been a home health nurse
for 8 years prior to that but switched to an agency that also did hospice nursing. I learned some of the most important lessons about life in that year.
In that year, how a patient handled the stages of grief were varied. According to the Swiss American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the five stages of grief are anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The following are some of the people I helped to take care. I changed the names to protect their privacy.
Emily was 104 years old and was living with her daughter. Her daughter requested that I not mention the word, Hospice, but rather say I was a nurse from “Comfort Care.” Emily stated she did not want to live to be 105 but seemed in denial that she would die soon of old age.
Emily had great musical ability and sometimes would play the piano while I visited. I did my best to keep her comfortable. Despite her denial, she died peacefully with family around her before she turned 105.
Ann was terminally ill with pancreatic cancer. At times family members displayed more
anger than the hospice patients. Ann’s disease advanced to where she had constant
nausea, intermittent vomiting and abdominal pain. The hospice physician ordered a
continuous intra-venous solution of anti-nausea and pain relief medication via a miniature pump. Ann received relief but was sleeping a lot. Her daughter became angry and fumed, “I don’t want my mother hooked up to a pump!” She cancelled Hospice service and Ann was admitted to the hospital for treatment. Ann died within a few days. I hope her family was with her.
Other hospice patients would bargain with God. Some prayed to live long enough to see
their grandchildren or an adult child who had moved away before they died. Others were
solemn, refusing to drink or eat. Their mood was like a blanket of depression and regret.
However, some hospice patients were accepting of their impending death. Andrew related a dream to me that he had often. He described a giant eagle that came and carried him off to heaven where he would see a beloved brother who had died some years ago. He was hopeful to see his brother again, soon.
Another hospice patient, Charley, never seemed angry or depressed. He continued with
daily activities as best he could. One day he had a bad fall that knocked him unconscious. He had expressed prior to the fall, hope, that he would die in his sleep. He never woke up and did die in his sleep. After his death, his wife had a celebration of life ceremony instead of a funeral. Something he had requested from his wife before he went on hospice care. She was brave enough to allow him to die as he had hoped and celebrated his life as he requested despite her grief.
I carry the lessons my patients taught me. They include: We all will die someday, it’s best
to live each day as if it were our last. Living and dying with love and awareness are
priceless, so forgive, forget and move on. If there is something you want to do, go ahead
and do it! Before working in hospice, I would put things off that I wanted to do but after my hospice experience, I have not waited. I cut down to part time and travelled to see family and friends as well as visit interesting places like Bali. I started writing poetry and have had some published in small press magazines. I have tried to make amends with people who have hurt me. I have learned to forgive and give love as much as possible. Life is hard but it is also a gift not to be wasted.
I thank my hospice patients for valuable lessons and the opportunity to serve them. May they rest in peace.