Lesson 1 – The Seeds of Self Doubt

I remember calling my mom and telling her about the maternity fashion show that I had been asked to model in. She was excited for me and asked if I would send her some pictures from it. I told her that I would love to do that and as promised I mailed the pictures to her. I thought I looked good in them. Granted, I was pregnant and not my usual thin self, but I was glowing and proud of them. I still work hard to forget this day. My mother called me and said, “Hi honey, I got the pictures today and you look really big in them, I wasn’t expecting that.” I had been smiling at the other end of the receiver until she said those words, and then I crumbled, deflated, hurt and feeling like that fat, insecure sixteen year old girl again. “Well mom, I’m pregnant, what did you think I was going to look like?” Realizing what she had said, she began to back-peddle and say that she was sorry and that I looked beautiful. But it was too late in my book, the damage was done. The seeds of self doubt were constantly being planted in the garden of my life and I just couldn’t seem to get them to stop growing.