I should not have planned this trip.
First nigh of seven more to go. Oh my God! This bed feels like a brick. However, will I sleep? Whatever was I thinking!?
Nothing is going as I had planned it. There has to be a warmer, softer way to help him come to his senses. I should not have planned this trip. God Please let me know one more time that this is your plan.
I have been on many remote hunting and fishing trips with Dick. Before, when out in the wilderness, he would be so confidant, peaceful, and relaxed; he would truly be in his element. He has always put our safety and well being first and foremost, making sure that every “T’ was crossed and every “i” dotted.
This trip is different. There are a few t’s and I’s left undone. There is worry on his face, a nervousness radiating from his being, I can’t name it, but I can surely feel it. I see no good can come from telling him about the sleeping bag and pads, won’t make them one bit warmer, nor the bed softer.
I wonder if he is missing his evening drinks.
As a young Eskimo boy, Dick grew up in a Catholic orphanage, in Holy Cross, Alaska on the Yukon River where hunting and fishing was a way of existence. Everyone learned how to read the signs in Nature and to survive in all kinds of conditions. I knew nothing of this world of his, so I have always, put my trust, and well being, and life in his hands, and in the past he has done a great job.
It has been three years since we have been on a hunting trip. The week before this trip I had grave concerns about this getaway.
God were you trying to tell me something?
In May I talked to our Doctor, who was also our friend who knows us well, and abut my anxieties with Dicks drink. I told him that divorce seems to be my only way out of this dilemma. He was also concerned that Dick had a serious alcohol problem. He has been our friend long before the problem drinking started, and knows the great love we had for each other. He suggested that I go to a twelve- step program for the family and friend who have a problem with a loved ones drinking.
I had played all my card and had no where else to turn. Besides, how can I tell all our family and friends that I am devoicing this wonderful man. I have gone to great lengths to show that our relationship continues to be blissful, and in public, we look and act like the perfect couple.
I gave the twelve-step program a try. To my surprise I meet people who had been, and were in my situation. I heard stories about their loved ones who no longer drank and how happy they are. I attended meetings, read all the books, and I have a sponsor, and she tells me that I have to put us both in the hands of God. Although. I am disappointed that no one has told me how to make my husband stop drinking, but I am determined to find a way.
Then it was the first day of September, the first day of hunting season. I have been talking a lot to God and I am sure that my “bright idea” Of how to get Dick to stop drinking came from him.
Yes! A hunting trip would be just the thing for Dick. It would get him back doing what he so loved doing. We have had many wonderful times on earlier trips; and these were some of the times that we felt the closest.
I call Dick at work.
“Telecommunications, June speaking,” his secretary answered.
“Hi June, can I speak with Dick?”
“Sure, I’ll ring you though.”
Dick answers, “hello Betty Jo, what’s going o?”
Using my excited voice, “Oh I just had this bright idea about us going on a hunting trip to Kodiak, and at the same time we can visit Ted and Miss Norma. It has been such a long time since we were on a fun hunting trip.”
Silence… I speak in my wee voice, “are you there?”
“Oh yes, just thinking, Dick relied,.
“I’ll talk to the guys up here about some good hunting spots over there.”
Now I’m really excited, “So we’ll go!?”
“Let me do some checking around.”
“It will be good for us,” I continued, “you know how much you enjoy hunting.”
“Ok , you check around and let me know what you find out.”
“I’ll call you tonight>” he said.
“OK bye.” Yes! We are going! I yell to myself.
So… I talked Dick into going on a big hunt. I was feeling strong and ready for this big challenge.
Dick made reservations with Fish and Game for the Frazer Lake Cabin, but it was only available for the last hunt of the season- maybe not the best time of year, but Kodiak is two hundred and fifty miles south of Anchorage, and the climate is much milder. I was so excited! I could hardly wait to go.
Now it is November, and Dick’s Drinking has picked up, and I feared that he would pack a bottle for the trip. We have never taken alcohol on our hunting and fishing trips. Alcohol doesn’t mix with guns, bears and boats.
I went back to our Doctor, and told him that we had planned a remote hunting trip, but I am fearful that Dick would take alcohol this time, and I am also worried about hurting his feelings. He told me to plan to go. “ But… if he packs a bottle, do not go.”
I was prepared to stand firm and back away at the last minute. There was no bottle packed and here we are at Frazer Lake.
